Gauche

I am known for my worst timing, be it at home, college, trains, anywhere… wrong place, wrong time, wrong expression. My expression on the face and mind are absolutely tangent. Its good to some extent, considering my timing, I could’ve have easily been smacked by people like a million times. I even laugh when I know its wrong to. =|

My equation at home is sort of normal. I don’t talk much. My behavioral pattern if observed is very discreet. So people (the mom, the dad) basically don’t know what all I know and what I don’t. They think I’m pretty dumb in things remotely related to the crazy hormone stuff and others (yeah right!)

For eg: a few months back my mom asked me if I know what ‘rape’ meant. To which I subtly nodded a yes without looking at her though my mind was blaring that my gyaan attained soaring heights in 7^th grade alright… I know what these tiny words mean! *rolls eyes* The key here is the awkward silence that prevails. The clash at times is so freaking-ly unbelievable!

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The television has always been an integral part for crafting amply difficult situations at home. It always happens that whenever I’m watching English channels the air around is uncomfortable. Snuggling and rolling are all that happens in those channels. I’ve stepped out of this box long back but some haven’t. Need I say a thing about the ads :: I-pill, all condom ones (esp the parrot one), amul macho!, and kabhi kabaar virgin mobiles! Sometimes there'll be pin drop silence in the room and lets say the ad in which the parrot is named condom appears on the screen! The silent room is filled with 'condom, alle lle condom , condom do this, do that'. I might have sinned big time. These situations give me a panic attack every single time and an eye-popping impulsive shaking of the head in my mind, which I deal in the same relaxed posture, no change of expressions whatsoever and eyes stuck on the TV!

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Picture this :

A lazy Sunday afternoon. There’s nobody around me. My parents are in their room. I, very comfortably seated on the sofa in my living room with my legs stretched along the length and head rested peacefully at an angle at the junction of the arm and the backrest. I’m watching VH1. Some rapper is hopping around and doing his thing, the video on military lines. My dad opened the door to see what I’m watching only to find two fools kissing passionately on screen. (Where did the guns go??????) I felt like I was caught red handed! =/. I was gawking at the tv in disbelief. The posture, the song, the scene, the clash – none that complimented each other!

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The train incident :: I had to sprint to catch my regular train to college. The train as usual was crowded and my free morning massage could’ve happened easily! I ended up right at the door, standing face to face to one late fifties mau-shi (aunt) with fresh mogra (jasmine) rolled around her bun. As she was a few inches shorter, her forehead almost reached my nose. That was probably the closest I’ve been to any women for that long a time! Though the scent of the mogra found its way from the nuisance of all other perfumes and talc’s , behind me was a fisherwomen who’s stink filled every end of my nerve. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place trying my best to remain conscious with my legs shivering with the unusual tensed sprint and the array of stomach tumbling fragrances, when the maushi looked deep into my eyes and burped continuously with her mouth half open straight on my face. OMG… I felt like jumping off the train. I looked away with a constipated face trying to put my head out and breathe in some fresh air. It was one 911 situation. Guess that swine really wanted me to know what it had that morning ! =|