Gauche



I am known for my worst timing, be it at home, college, trains, anywhere… wrong place, wrong time, wrong expression. My expression on the face and mind are absolutely tangent. Its good to some extent, considering my timing, I could’ve have easily been smacked by people like a million times. I even laugh when I know its wrong to. =|

My equation at home is sort of normal. I don’t talk much. My behavioral pattern if observed is very discreet. So people (the mom, the dad) basically don’t know what all I know and what I don’t. They think I’m pretty dumb in things remotely related to the crazy hormone stuff and others (yeah right!)

For eg: a few months back my mom asked me if I know what ‘rape’ meant. To which I subtly nodded a yes without looking at her though my mind was blaring that my gyaan attained soaring heights in 7th grade alright… I know what these tiny words mean! *rolls eyes* The key here is the awkward silence that prevails. The clash at times is so freaking-ly unbelievable!

******************

The television has always been an integral part for crafting amply difficult situations at home. It always happens that whenever I’m watching English channels the air around is uncomfortable. Snuggling and rolling are all that happens in those channels. I’ve stepped out of this box long back but some haven’t. Need I say a thing about the ads :: I-pill, all condom ones (esp the parrot one), amul macho!, and kabhi kabaar virgin mobiles! Sometimes there'll be pin drop silence in the room and lets say the ad in which the parrot is named condom appears on the screen! The silent room is filled with 'condom, alle lle condom , condom do this, do that'. I might have sinned big time. These situations give me a panic attack every single time and an eye-popping impulsive shaking of the head in my mind, which I deal in the same relaxed posture, no change of expressions whatsoever and eyes stuck on the TV!


******************

Picture this :

A lazy Sunday afternoon. There’s nobody around me. My parents are in their room. I, very comfortably seated on the sofa in my living room with my legs stretched along the length and head rested peacefully at an angle at the junction of the arm and the backrest. I’m watching VH1. Some rapper is hopping around and doing his thing, the video on military lines. My dad opened the door to see what I’m watching only to find two fools kissing passionately on screen. (Where did the guns go??????) I felt like I was caught red handed! =/. I was gawking at the tv in disbelief. The posture, the song, the scene, the clash – none that complimented each other!

******************

The train incident :: I had to sprint to catch my regular train to college. The train as usual was crowded and my free morning massage could’ve happened easily! I ended up right at the door, standing face to face to one late fifties mau-shi (aunt) with fresh mogra (jasmine) rolled around her bun. As she was a few inches shorter, her forehead almost reached my nose. That was probably the closest I’ve been to any women for that long a time! Though the scent of the mogra found its way from the nuisance of all other perfumes and talc’s , behind me was a fisherwomen who’s stink filled every end of my nerve. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place trying my best to remain conscious with my legs shivering with the unusual tensed sprint and the array of stomach tumbling fragrances, when the maushi looked deep into my eyes and burped continuously with her mouth half open straight on my face. OMG… I felt like jumping off the train. I looked away with a constipated face trying to put my head out and breathe in some fresh air. It was one 911 situation. Guess that swine really wanted me to know what it had that morning ! =|


Comments

mysterious gal said…
OMG girl u narrated my story.....though my mom doesn't ask if i know what rape is....as she knows i know a lot :P...even though me and mom r like frnds but this is one part i just dont know how to handle....give me a break if something comes on TV doesnt mean i m making out....gosh its most embarassing when dad is around.....i just flip the channel if remote is with me....otherwise there is so much silence that even pin dropping will be noticed....my bro is best he says....close the bloody room when u watch english movies.....i m like ya ya so they think i m watching a blue one...though in real it might not even have a proper kiss scene.....my mom is cool but still...and dad has just one dialogue what all u see....i m like wish the ground eats me....i guess now i know one more gal with similar situation :)

All the best to us :)
. said…
*Picture this* is Awesome :P :D
Aw.S.M said…
Hehehe...wow u should consider stand up comedy considering ur awsm timing for being in the wrong place at the wrong time :P...:P

But hi hi hi hilarious read yaar :P...hehe...specially liked the dad catching u watching vh1 part :P..sweeeeeeetttt:D

U keep at it yaar..hopefully one day..one day they ll catch u watching ramayanam :D...

luv
amith
MultiMenon said…
Aaahhh!! I can see ur prolly sick with everything that happens around you..

Take a break,speak long with someone u love,go on a holiday,spend quality time beach side,fall in love,make ur parents happy once in a while..

After all,these are many things that can turn the tide around.. :)

Take care gal.. :)

Hugz

Nikhil
:: Pearly :: said…
@ nabs
high five! =D
i dont flip the channel .. coz then i feel they'll think we are actually caught red handed! :D

when you are in the situation, its real awkward... abhi when i think about it... damn hilarious! =))

i narrated these stories and many others to my friends the other day... had a good laugh! :D
:: Pearly :: said…
@ .
glad you liked it! :)
:P :D
:: Pearly :: said…
@ amith
blush blush :P
hehe... they day they'll catch me watching ramayan .. they'll think a few seconds back i flipped the channeL! =D
:: Pearly :: said…
@ nikhil ...
not really yaar... its kinda funny how i get stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time... thought i'll share some highly awkward situations! =D

>:D<
BloggerMouth said…
Lol. I have a song recommendation for you... it's called "wrong" by Depeche Mode.

"I was standin at the wrong place, at the wrong time..."

I feel for you sista! Cool blog!
Cheers!
mohit said…
hahahaha...
so funny!
and ure so right too... even when i'm watching the star world shows, the only thing they ever talk about is sex,when either of my parents are there ! (even the simpsons)

:o
Hey! Very nice narration of interesting incidents. The burp scene could lead to murder. Cheers to your self control and patience.
:: Pearly :: said…
@ ami...
heard the song..
not my kinda genre but definitely apt for me! lol

cheers! =)
:: Pearly :: said…
@ mohit...
high five buddy! ...
i can exactly figure what you're saying! hehe...

simpsons ... people dont bother much... they dont listen, they watch.. and for them i'm watching cartoon! =D
:: Pearly :: said…
@ abstract scientist
you bet! :|
thanks =)
keep visiting!
^_^ SENO ^_^ said…
Wow Anu that was very funny and good to read. you are getting better and better. I hate to admit but am lousy compared to you LOL :)

Love >>>:d<<<<<<<
Stupidosaur said…
Yuck! Lol! Maybe you could address the Maushi by name like Myaaaugh Sheeeee!
"Ms Myaaaughh Sheeeee! Whats your middle name?"

Besides, about the TV thingie, I was luckier since both my parents used to be out working. But once I had an embarrassing situation in class 6 (more unbelievable part to follow yet...). I was watching Ek Se Badhkar Ek on DD. Suddenly this 'hot' number (some private album perhaps by Alisha Chinoi or such) comes up and my mom was standing right next to me. Hell, she deliberately started closely & coldly watching me, the TV screen and my reactions, as if I was some kinda creature in a National Geographic programme :P) I was standing almost frozen, looking glazedly at the screen for the entire length of the song, and mother almost glazedly looking at me from the side! Its the channel and program for which this occured that makes it somewhat strange and surprising!

Another thing. In class 12 I was at a friend's place. The two of us and friend's mom were watching Titanic on cable. Then it reached the part where Jack makes a painting of Rose. (It was cable, pretty uncut.) Me and my friend did not know what to do. Luckily the CD of the cable guy was bad or anyways some kind of disturbance occured. Me and my friend excused ourslelves on pretext of needing to buy something from nearby shop.

What do you think happened next? We were passing by the road and the ground floor window of the TV room could be clearly seen. The movie scene had started playing again, and aunty had gone very near to the TV closely watching! Dost ki halat hi mat puchho!
Pesto Sauce said…
I too feel embarassed those scenes are on...though music channels also are no better
:: Pearly :: said…
@ seno
:D ... you neednt compare.. !
you are you and I am me! (wow , now that made sense! =|... i know you got the point! :P :D )

loadsa love!
>:D<
mwah!
:: Pearly :: said…
@ stupidosaur

lol!
titanic was one movie that used to be on tv every 31 dec... need i say more! .. grr =)) =))


thanks for visiting! =)
:: Pearly :: said…
@ pesto sauce
couldnt agree more!
IcE MaiDeN said…
lolz lolz lolz!!!! whttt a funny read anu!!! :P :D ;-)

Awkward-awkward moments came on every 31st dec for me... whn titanic was on.. :P :D N yes, my mom ALWAYS happen to walk into the room whn a liplock is happening n then shell go "sheeeeeee!!!" :| n i go like ""wht? wht?? whtttt??? mommmm!!! :P"

Recently a blogger frnd of mine (awesome one :P)Isha n me polayed a prank on another 2 friends which involved heavy usage of teh word condom... i was laughing around, n i momn decides to sneak a look at my lappy to see wht the whole fuss was all abt... n she goes :O :O!!! Thankfully she joined in d laughter whn the ppl on the prank was being played started givin some really dumb answers!!! :P :D ;-)

N trains!!!!!!!!!!!! omg!!! whr do u catch a train frm n to whr? i hav to goto andheri everyday n man!!! is tht place a a bitch or wht?!! i get all sorts of smells, n ppl pressing against all sorts of places against me :|
YUCK!!

awesome post!! :P :D
Kepp thm comng sista! :P

luv,
Annie.
Ki said…
You write so cutely! :D

But seriously man, one channel shows a condom ad and my parents stare, I hurriedly switch and the other channel is showing I-Pill ki ad!!! Frustrating!!!
sonali said…
This was hilarious.... the TV thing, so many times we see decent stuff and as parents enter, some shit condom ads starts, fuck man, y do they have to give condom ads for god sake, every1 is big enough n knows wer do we get it and wen to use it, lol.
keep penning, loved your blog.
:: Pearly :: said…
@ annie
lmao =))

i catch the panvel train.. coll is there .. and case studys happen quite often toh 'm basically wandering in the whole of mumbai :P :D

:: Pearly :: said…
@ rane
Amen! xD

keep visiting =)
:: Pearly :: said…
@ ki

hehe... thank yu.. you're the 1st to claim that! :D


its so hilarious to know EVRYBODY goes through the same sense of panic during awkward situations! lol

Glad you liked it :)
:: Pearly :: said…
hey thanks sonali .. :)

keep visiting xD
Mr. Watchman said…
This comment has been removed by the author.

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